10,158 days and counting...

Faster than a trip to the restroom...More powerful than a punch in the face....able to knock you on your ass in a matter of minutes...Look! On the CT scan!...It's a seizure...It's a stroke...It's ANXIETY!  Yes, it's anxiety - strange visitor from the back of your mind that comes to the surface with powers and abilities far beyond that of normal emotions. Anxiety - that can change the course of a good day, instill fear with its mere presence, and that, disguised as stress, harmless emotion of normal everyday people, attacks suddenly and severely and scares the teetotal hell out you!***

I almost died today.

Not really, but for a while it felt like I was going to. I was having a good day at work, getting stuff done, not stressing about anything, upbeat mood. I started noticing my chest getting a heavy feeling and it was getting a little harder to breathe so I went to the restroom and splashed some cold water on my face. A lady I work with, Kelly, got a towel and put it on my neck. I figured I was just having an anxiety attack so I asked her to go get my purse and I took one of my Xanax pills. I sat in the corner of the restroom floor and tried to focus on slow, deep breaths. The next thing I remember is paramedics hovered over me in one of the stalls (don't know how I got there)  and a lot of jumbled talking and questions to which I couldn't respond. Then I blacked out again. I had the sensation of floating (being rolled on a gurney) and then I woke up in an ambulance. I was mostly awake after that, although there are still parts that are missing. Even once I woke up and was coherant, I couldn't talk or move the limbs on my right side. The EMT in the ambulance was asking me questions and I concentrated really hard on making my mouth work, but I couldn't talk. It was TERRIFYING. I was completely alert and very much aware of the fact that I couldn't move or communicate. Over the course of the next few hours at the hospital, they ran blood tests, brain scans, and heart monitors. They thought I had had a stroke, but all the tests came back fine. Slowly, my mobility and speech started to come back. They finally chocked it up to an extremely severe anxiety attack and sent me home.  Weirdest shit ever.

If anxiety can do that to a person, there need to be more affordabe and available methods of dealing with stress. Hell, I wasn't even stressed when it hit. Anxiety is some sneaky shit, yo. Creeps up on ya. I've been on this earth for 10,158 days and if I'm gonna get to my goal of 36,141, I need to start taking better care of my mind (and arteries, muscles, bones, & organs...but we're not talking about those right now)!

I'm feeling better now. My amazing aunt Dundi brought me Burger King on her way home from work. (Thank you, again, Dun.)

I am tired, though. I'm going to eat and crash I think. 'Night...


***borrowed from intro to 1950's tv classic, Superman.
      Faster than a speeding bullet...More powerful than a locomotive...Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...Look! Up in the sky!...It's a bird...It's a plane...It's SUPERMAN! Yes, it's Superman - strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. Superman - who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights the never ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the American Way!