It's New Year's Day...January 1, 2012. Wow, even typing it is weird.
Last year flew by. I was always told that time goes by faster the older you get. I didn't believe it when I was 14 and wanted a license. I wouldn't even have time to prepare for my driving test if I was getting my license when I turned 30. "Goes by faster" isn't an appropriate explanation of what happens to time the older you get. A more accurate way of putting it would be: time makes bounds. One day it'll be New Year's and then 2 weeks later, the kids are getting out of school for summer break. Once you get through the summer, suddenly it's Christmas again. I don't think I experienced a whole year in 2011. Here are the highlights...
In March, Baileigh was hospitalized for severe asthma symptoms. That was the scariest day of my life. She really could not breathe. After that, we cracked down super hard on the cigarette smoke and took proactive action to prevent future episodes. She's been doing great since she started her daily inhaler.
Starting in the spring Jacob had baseball. I love going to his games. Sometimes I can't get into them; baseball really isn't my thing. But I love watching him play. He had a really crappy attitude at the beginning of the season, but after a few games, he got better. He still wasn't happy about losing, but we focused more on his attitude and his effort and praised him for his behavior instead of for the score, and he learned that "it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game." I'm sure that's a lesson we'll have to touch on again this year.
In May, we took the kids camping for the first time. They had a ball! It was awesome watching them explore and pointing out cool things that adults don't usually look twice at. They both caught fish and Jacob helped Heather build the campfire. We took the nebulizer for Bai, just in case, but didn't really have any trouble. That was even before the daily preventative. We went swimming in the river and made real campfire s'mores. Those are always waaay better than making them in the microwave. I can't wait to take them again.
I left Sub Depot at the end of June and started at Quiznos. That was really hard for me. I don't regret leaving Sub Depot because I seriously could not put up with Curt. I do wish like hell it hadn't have had to be that way though. I miss it, everything about it, except him.
Late August, early September brought me the best thing that has ever happened to me. For the first time in my life, I am able to focus on myself. Nothing changed externally. I just somehow changed. My way of thinking, my mindset, the priorities in my life, my relationship with myself. It's all clearer and I see everything from a different perspective. A better perspective. I was able to let go of some things that have always given me a bitter taste in my mouth and a pain in my chest. I feel free. Liberated! I can't explain why I changed, but I'm willing to my faith in my prayers to the Powers That Be, and the prayers of those who love me to their God. Positive engery from any source is still positive, and I'll accept it gratefully.
September 10th was pretty awesome. Heather and I connected on a deeper level and our relationship, which was crumbling quickly, took a major turn. We have fought less in the past few months than we did for any week-long period during the entire 2 years we were together, except maybe the first couple of months when it was still new. We used to sit on opposite of the couch, her watching tv and me on the computer. Now we rarely even watch tv. We spend time together. And when we do turn it on, we cuddle while we watch a movie. It's a wonderful flip and I hope we can keep it this way.
Christmas was special. We took the kids to Heather's mom's house and they were very well behaved. They racked up on toys. The most special part to me, though, was the sense of family that's always in that house. I know I have a family and I love them more than I can say. It's just been so different since Mama died. Nothing feels the same. Maybe it never will. But I enjoyed being with Heather's family and feeling like a part of that.
And here we are.
I made several New Year's resolutions last year, only one of which I actually accomplished. This year I've decided not to make any. I'll try to improve on things that need improvement, but I'm not going to set myself up for failure by immediately expecting things of myself that may not happen. I look at it like this: if you tell me I can't have chocolate, I'm going to think about chocolate non-stop and eventually (a few hours) break down and go get some. One time when I tried to stop eating junk, I actually cried because I wanted a candy bar so bad and wouldn't let myself have one. I seriously go through mental withdrawals. So...I'm not saying I can't have it. I'm less likely to want it if I know that I'm free to go get it anytime. It makes sense. I use that reverse psychology on the kids too. They'll be dying to play video games if they're grounded from it and there won't be anything to do outside. But if I say they can play the Nintendo, they'll be all excited and go play a few different games for a total of about 20 minutes, then they'll come in here and say it's boring and go outside for hours. If I can outsmart them, I can outsmart myself.
I've been unintentionally losing weight for the past few months. I'm not eating any differently and I'm damn sure not working out. Stress, I guess. But if I've lost 20 pounds without even trying, imagine what a difference a brisk walk around the apartment complex twice a week would do. Maybe I should try that. I'm not saying I will, but I'm more likely to do it if I don't tell myself I have to. There's a reason I'm majoring in psychology.
Another thing I'd like to try to do this year is start a savings account. I have one now, and I think it's got $20 in it. I mean a real savings account. A rainy day fund. Something that'll be there if tragedy strikes. I'm not saying I will, but I'd like to.
I think right now I'm going to get up off my lazy ass and go eat breakfast at Shoney's. They were open all night for the drunken partyers, but I was asleep by 12:30am. I actually dozed off around 11:15pm and Heather woke me up to ring in the new year. Then we went to bed. We're getting old!
Happy New Year!
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