I have been listening to the most disgusting sound in the world for the last hour. I've been doing homework (and peeking at the tv) pretty much since I got home from work. I didn't even notice the noise at first...selective hearing I suppose. Suddenly, however, I became grossly aware of Babygirl snogging herself. Heather's puppy, who is so ugly she's cute, has been lying at the other end of the couch going to town. I suppose she's at war with fleas, or perhaps taking a cue from my adorable siamese cat and trying to groom herself. Either way, it sounds awful. You know that sound when a dog is licking itself and breathing heavily in between laps? It's like someone trying to chew gum with a really bad sinus infection after running a mile. Ugh!
My cat, Bella (as in Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter, not the girl in Twilight), has been in heat for weeks. Sometimes I think it's over, but tonight is an 'on' night, I guess. She's prancing around with her ass in the air, rubbing on anything that will stand still and some things that won't, like me. Everytime I push her away she comes right back. Sometimes she goes away long enough to make rounds through the apartment, meowing (but it sounds more like howling) like she's dying. Meeeooooooowwwwwwwww.........
One night a week or so ago, Bella had been laying in my lap while I was watching tv. I had to run out to the truck to get something and when I came back in, 3 male cats were chasing me. The neighborhood strays are usually pretty skittish and won't come near a person, but those fuckers were following me down the steps! It really kinda scared me. Not like, "oh no, scary kitties are gonna get me!" but the fact that these cats that won't even let you approach them to give them food were following me down into my very secluded breezeway tripped me the fuck out. I guess I smelled like pussy. Hahaha! (I know that was vulgar, but I couldn't resist the pun.) I crack myself up.
My baby boy is growing up. He got suspended from school for the first time today. I didn't get suspended until I was in 7th grade. He's got me beat by 5 years! Should I document this like a milestone in his baby book. First smile: date First crawled: date First steps: date Lost first tooth: date First suspension from school: May 4, 2011 I don't know what really happened. We got different stories from Jacob, a kid that witnessed it, and the teacher that stopped it. Basically what it boils down to is Jacob hit another little boy in the groin and in the face, scratching his eye. When the assistant principal called me this morning, she said he "attacked another student, unprovoked." So in my head I'm picturing a gym full of kids with Jacob sitting there socializing with his friends or whatnot and suddenly, for no reason, he turns and starts beating some little boy's ass. Now, I'm no psychologist (yet), but I can't imagine anyone sitting in a normal environment, interacting with other people in a normal manner, and then "attacking" someone "unprovoked." What we eventually pieced together, with what segmented information we could gather, is Jacob was horseplaying with the boy next to him when his "victim" came and sat down on his other side. Thinking that it was all fun and games, Jacob attempts to horseplay with the new kid, who didn't take too kindly to it and hit Jacob back. Jacob then hit the kid in his groin and face before a teacher separated the boys and yadda yadda yadda. The end result is Jacob is suspended for 2 days, the other boy recieved no punishment, and William and I don't know how to handle the situation. I know that we should do something, as far as disciplining Jacob, but what? He has been told many, many times to keep his hands to himself. He's even gotten in trouble on the bus for horseplaying before. But what can we do? William wanted to whip him. Thankfully, my reasoning won out on that. I've tried a million times to explain to him that violence begets violence. Whipping Jacob for putting his hands on another child is like forcing your daughter to take birth control because you caught her having sex. It's reinforcing the behavior you're trying to prevent...it's condoning it. (not that sexually active girls shouldn't be on birth control, but you get what I'm saying) When you punish a child by hitting, whether it's a pop on the ass or a punch to the face, you're telling that child that it's okay to hit people. So anyway, William didn't whip him. I think we decided that Jacob will do yet another write off all day tomorrow since he won't be at school. "I will keep my hands to myself at all times" 500 times should be enough to get it through his head for a couple weeks.
I wish like hell I had the money to take Jacob to see Gayla more. Gayla is our therapist. I say "our" because I started seeing her in 2006-ish and have been on and off since then. Jacob started seeing her in December, but has only been a handful of times. She's awesome! Unfortunately, therapy is very expensive and our co-pay through Cigna is $60 each visit. I don't have $60. I don't have $6. So until I can afford to take him to see her, I have to just try to let him know that I'm here and nurture him as best as I can without knowing how. I don't push him to talk. I ask him general questions and leave the door open for him to talk, but I don't pry. I bet it's hard for him to open up to me because he knows how close William and I are and he's probably afraid that if he confides in me about an issue he has with his daddy, I'll tell William. That's why I like for him to see Gayla. Not only is he more comfortable talking to her, she knows what to do with the information he shares with her. I'll take him back as soon as I can, but right now I've got 4 other hospital/doctor bills in there on my refrigerator, none of which will be paid any time soon.
Baileigh has been calling me every chance she gets. She uses anybody's phone she can get her hands on. She calls William when she's here. She just loves using the phone. The conversations are pointless, she just wanted to call.
Me: hello?
Bai: hi, mommy!
Me: hi, bai...whatcha doing?
Bai: talking to you.
Me: what were you doing before that?
Bai: ummm...watching tv/playing/taking a nap
Me: oh ok. well what's up, baby girl?
Bai: nothing. i just wanted to call you. i love you.
Me: i love you too sweetie. you sure you don't need anything?
Bai: yeah. i'll talk to you later.
Me: ok baby. i love you. bye.
Bai: ok. bye. i love you too.
I can already see that this child must not, under any circumstances, have a cell phone, until she gets an after school job to pay the damn bill. Oh lord! I was not like that. Okay, maybe I was, but back then nobody had cell phones. I could talk on the landline as much as I wanted.
She's graduation from Kindergarten on the 25th. I didn't have a Kindergarten graduation. I had never even heard of such until my kids got into school. Is it really such a big accomplishment that they have to hold a graduation ceremony? Congratulations!...You can tell blue from orange and recite the alphabet! I'm kidding. I know there's more to Kindergarten than that. Hell, Baileigh's already reading. I couldn't read when I was 6. Or I was just starting to sound words out. Kids are geniuses these days compared to when I was little.
I'm still not sure what we're going to do about child care during the summer. As of right now, an old friend of mine, Debra, is going to watch them. I'm not sure how concrete that is though. I'm hoping solid because otherwise I don't know who'll watch them. Things were so much simpler when I was a stay-at-home-mom. Granted, I was miserable. But my kids were taken care of.
I guess I'm getting sleepy now. That's what I'm hoping anyway. Sometimes I start yawning so I go to bed, thinking I'm sleepy. Then once I get in there and lay down, I realize I'm just bored and the act of getting up and going to the bedroom got me alert again so I lay there for another hour or so until I get bored enough to finally fall asleep. This insomnia shit was pretty cool for a few weeks, but now it's getting old. Physically, I'm drained. I wish my mind understood what "lights out" means. I could try counting backward from 1000. It's kinda my old faithful. I'm usually asleep by the early 600s and if not asleep, so groggy that I forget what number I'm on so I just repeat the same few over and over until I pass out.
Until next time....
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