Today is Tuesday. I'm off work and I don't have anything that I absolutely must get done. I slept until 10:30am, got online and downloaded the syllabus and textbook for my new class and did some of the reading, talked to a couple people on the phone, wandered around between the kitchen and pantry looking for food, and now I'm writing because I actually have time.
I never did find anything to eat. The options are: frozen pizza (which you have to wait for), sandwiches (which you have to assemble), and an assortment of chips (none of which sound good right now). I'm gonna wait until I'm hungrier and therefore more willing to work for my meal.
Heather has to close tonight, which sucks really bad because that means she won't be getting home for 6 more hours. If I had running around to do or something to occupy my time then it wouldn't seem so long, but I'm gonna be home all day, killing time. Of course, there are dishes and clothes that can be washed. The bedroom could use a little more cleaning (we tackled most of it last week). We have about 4 junk drawers and 3 closets (2 of which are walk-ins) that would REALLY benefit from some orgnaizing. And, as always, I could work on school stuff. So I won't dare say that I have nothing to do.
This past Saturday was the day we celebrated our anniversary. It didn't go exactly as planned, but it was still completely amazing. I got some beautiful roses, lilies, and an assortment of wildflowers from a florist and Nikki arranged them in vases and surrounded them with little tealight candles while Heather and I were at dinner. So when we got home and Heather walked in, she was surprized. But that's not the best part...the best part is who else was waiting when she walked in. For the past few weeks I have been emailing back and forth with Tiffany Shea, who is Heather's favorite indie singer/songwriter. We actually went to see her perform at a little bar on our first date. Well, I got Tiff to come give us a private concert at home so Heather about shit a brick. It was awesome! Tiffany brought us a copy of one of her unfinished CDs that has Heather's favorite song by her on it. She's been looking for that song forever and couldn't find it because Tiff hadn't recorded it yet. So now Heather has a copy of a few songs that aren't even released yet. It was a crazy night, but it turned out amazing and I'm so glad I got to do that for her. I think I might have won the Girlfriend of the Year award for that one!
I have still been feeling really good. I had a mopey day yesterday because my uterus hates me, but other than normal female bullshit, I'm good. I did miss a dose of my meds a few days ago...it was an accident, I swear! But it was only one day so hopefully it won't mess me up too much. I always tell Heather when I realize I've missed a dose to give her about a week to prepare for whatever hell may descend upon us as a result. She's usually pretty understanding, but I can be intolerable sometimes. It shouldn't be a big deal right now because I'm so happy in general that a slight chemical misfire wouldn't affect it much. Hopefully.
I have such a light heart all of a sudden. For years, I have held on to anger and hatred that I didn't know was affecting my life everyday. I hated someone because I always had and I guess it just never occured to me to stop, or I felt like I couldn't stop. I didn't want to feel that hatred. I even asked people to pray for me to find peace in my heart when it came to that person. If I were a Christian, I would say that God has answered that prayer. In fact, I feel something pretty similar to that. I don't really know how to explain my beliefs and that doesn't matter because it works for me and I am happy. The point is: I no longer harbor that hate and fury. I don't have any negativity in my heart, for the first time since childhood. It's so light and calm and peaceful. I'm actually pretty disappointed in myself for allowing the negativity to affect me for so long. I just didn't realize there was an option to let it go. I've always said that people can't control how they feel, and I still believe that to some extent I guess. I just made a conscious decision to end that emotion and it was gone. I just thought about why I felt that way to begin with and when it didn't make any sense, I said, well ok I just won't feel that way anymore. Just like that. So, yeah.
The chirrens are doing well. Bai isn't sick for now. Jacob isn't evil for now. They are both doing really well in school. Jacob's report card had six graded subjects. His grades were: 100, 99, 97, 94, 93, 90. This is sooo my kid! The first three grades were pertaining to English (reading, comprehension, and language, I think). The last three were math, science, and social studies. I was looking at the grades and I was praising him and then I said, "so what's up with this 90 in social studies?" and he shrugged. I told him we'd have to work on that and he said, "at least I got in the 90s." True that, yo! I forgot how great that is. I forgot that most kids score in the 80s. I just assumed he would get high 90s because that's what I always got in school and that was the standard. When he said that, I laughed and told him that he was right and that he did a great job and I'm super proud of him. Unfortunately for him, though, he has shown me that he is capable of top grades and therefore he will be expected to maintain those grades for the next 9 years. Poor kid. Bai only had 3 areas to be graded in and the options were: Below target, On target, or Beyond target. She is beyond target in all but 1, which is handwriting. In that, she is on target. I'm pleasantly surprized at that because I figured her handwriting would be below. She still needs work on it, but hell, she's on target! I'm so proud of my bai bai. I really hope she can do as well as Jacob acedemically becasue I don't want to have different standards for them. It wouldn't be fair to Jacob if he was expected to bring home straight As and Bai could get by with Bs and Cs, but it wouldn't be fair to Baileigh if she was expected to match Jacob's grades if she really isn't capable of that. I know that school doesn't come as easy to everyone as it did to me so I don't want to put pressure on Bai to reach unrealistic goals. If I scold her for lower grades when she really did try her best, then that's just going to make her feel like her best isn't good enough and she'll never be able to be proud of herself. I guess I just have to keep all that in mind and make sure I'm doing all I can to help when she needs it. We'll figure it out.
I'm still liking work ok. I think they're about to switch me to night shift because shit's not getting done and we don't really have a strong leader in the evenings. I don't want to work nights, but if there's a raise involved and guarenteed hours, I'll do it.
That's it for now. I just recieved new information by phone that I might have to write about later, but for now I'm going to sign off and try to figure out this new delima. It's always something! lol
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