Howdy! I'm feeing pretty relaxed. I'm sitting at work even though I've been off for 2 and a half hours. As hectic as things have been lately, it feels good to get some of it handled and wash my hands of the rest. I'm finally feeling good about the direction my life is going. I got my car fixed so I'm independently mobile. Tonight is the last night of my current class. I'm leaving Sub Depot. I'm making plans.
Last Friday I got into it with Curt really bad. Like worse than the first time. It only lasted a few minutes, but it was extremely hostile. I need to give a brief history of what led up to my explosion....Ever since Curt bought this store, he's made me very uncomfortable. He "squeezes" by me in spaces big enough for people to walk through without a problem. It happened a lot at first and I made comments about it loud enough for him to hear, hoping he'd take the hint. One day Heather saw him do it and she started bitching about it. After that, it stopped for a while. He still made me uncomfortable, but in less obvious ways. For example, he would reach across me to grab something instead of waiting for me to move or simply saying "excuse me." Or hell, he could have just asked me to hand it to him. He did this often enough that I told him that he was "invading my territorial bubble" and asked him to watch his proximity. He said, and I quote, "get over it." Recently, he's started squeezing by again. He can have plenty of room to just slide by without touching me, but he rubs against me as he passes. And you know how when you go by someone and kind of grab their shoulders to get around them without being all up on them? He does that, but grabs my hips instead of my shoulders. It's been getting under my skin for a looong time and Friday I just snapped. He apparently thought I was upset about something because he approached me and put one arm around my back and the other hand on my shoulder and was trying to say something along the lines of "calm down" or "it'll be ok" or some shit. I didn't really hear what he said because when he did that, I backed away from him and, very sternly through clenched teeth, said "DON'T TOUCH ME!" He looked all suprized and stepped into me so that his body was, literally, 3 inches from mine and started telling me that there was no reason to be snappy and blah blah blah...I, again, stepped back away from him and told him that wouldn't get snappy if he would stay out my personal space. His response? "I wasn't in your personal space." OMG! We continued to bicker for a few minutes and then he said, "we'll talk about this later," to which I responded "no, we won't." He was standing directly behind me, each of us facing opposite directions, and he mumbled something under his breath. I turned to face him and said, "What?" and then he turned around to face me and said, "nothing" and I stayed looking him in the face and said, "EXACTLY." We didn't speak to each for the rest of the day. I came in this morning (Monday) and the tension was palpable. We didn't speak all day today, but I was in a good mood and had a good day with the rest of the crew, cutting up and getting work done as usual. When 1:30 rolled around and I was getting my stuff ready to come sit in the dining room, I asked if I could talk to him for a second. We went into the office (I intentionally left the door open) and I told him that I just wanted to let him know that Friday would be my last day. He said "ok" and that was that.
I start my new job on July 2nd. I'm going to take the week in between to spend as much with the kids as I possibly can and get some much needed housework done. I want to take them swimming and play games with them. I want to read with them. I want to stay home with them forever and have fun with them and teach them things and hug them 40 times a day. I know I can't do all of that, but the swimming, games and reading are definitely going to happen. I miss them so much. I had to take them to Kim and Chew's again Sunday evening and they cried again, not wanting me to leave them. Oh, it breaks my heart. I imagine this is how most mothers feel when they have to leave their kids at daycare or a babysitter's house. I'm just not used to it because I was a stay-at-home-mom for so long and then even when I did start working, they just stayed at William's because there was always someone there to watch them. It's hard having to leave them somewhere they don't want to be. I just tell them that I wish I didn't have to leave them there and I'm sorry but I have to work and I'll miss them and I love them. I ask them to be strong and try to have a positive attitude. It's true that a positive attitude can change the way you experience a situation. If you're depressed and just think about how much something sucks and how you don't want to do it, it's going to be as bad as you think it will be. But if you try to approach it from the standpoint of knowing that it's temporary and pep yourself up to try to get through it in a decent mood, it won't be as bad as you think it will. That's what I'm going to do this last week here at Sub Depot.
Not that my last week here will totally suck. It will and it won't. It will suck because Curt will be here and I'm sure there will be tension. And it will suck because I'll know that it's the last week I'll be with the awesome people that I work with. And it will suck because I'll have to say good-bye to a lot of my favorite customers, and because I won't get to say good-bye to the ones that don't come in while I'm here this last week. At the same time, it won't suck because I have the relief of being free of Curt and his bullshit to look forward to. I'll make the most of the little bit of time I have with my friends here. And I'll be sure to make plans with them outside of work. It'll be ok. I'll be ok.
I must admit that I'm nervous about starting a new job. It never used to bother me. I changed jobs so much with a lot of spare time in between that I always looked forward to something new. I've been here for a year and 9 months, which really isn't long when you look at the big picture, but it's the longest I've ever worked anywhere, and I love this place. I love the people I work with, I love the customers, I love the job itself. I know this place like the back of my hand. I know everything about the menu, the order of priorities when there's a lot to do, what time this needs done and that needs done. This is kind of like home. It's where I'm comfortable. When I start this new place, I'm going to have to learn everything about it. And I feel like it's going to take forever for me to feel as comfortable there as I do here. I'm worried that I won't like the people, that I won't pick up on the routine. But really, who am I kidding? I can get along with pretty much anyone. I'm social when I need to be. And what's the chance that I'll have trouble picking up on anything? I'm a quick learner and I'm smart. I can do this. I can do anything I put my mind to.
Ok, I'm done with my little self pep talk.
Jacob got his meds. I called EFC and left a message for Edith. She couldn't call in a prescription because of the type of medication it is, but she did write it and leave it at the desk so William could pick it up. She wrote 3 months worth. I love that place. I wish I could go see Gayla. I don't know why. I don't really feel like I need therapy right now. I'm in a good place within myself. I just like going to talk to her. It's like hanging out with an old friend. I do think Jacob could benefit from visiting with her though. He seems slightly depressed. I don't know how depression manifests itself in children so maybe I'm reading it wrong. He just seems different. As long as he's distracted with something fun, he's fine. But the minute he has nothing to do, he's down. He sighs and when I ask him what's wrong, he just says "I don't know." A lot of times he attributes it to boredom. And maybe that really is all that's wrong. Still, I'd feel better if he could talk to Gayla. That's another thing I'm looking forward to at my new job... bigger paychecks. I should be able to slowly pay EFC off and start sending him again.
Oh, how about my phone broke! A few months ago, there was a little cooler sitting on the end table by the couch that we just never dumped the water out of and put away. Well, it has a little flap on the top that velcros shut for easy access without unzipping it. Bella's stupid ass liked to lay on that little cooler and she kept falling through the flap so she'd get up and move, only to come lay back down on it again later. My stupid ass left my phone laying on it one night and Bella climbed up and took her usual perch on top of it. Suprize, suprize, she fell through the flap, and so did my phone. I didn't even realize it had happened, but Heather was laughing at Bella because as soon as she hit the water, she jumped up and took off running. When I asked what was so funny and Heather told me, I realized that I had left my phone laying there. So "oh shit!" I jump up and get my phone out of the cooler, where it had been submerged for at least a whole minute. Heather took the battery out and we let it dry out over night and it worked fine. Well the other day, I dropped it (for the 10,000th time) and it made a weird static sound and shut off, never to turn on again. I tried taking the battery out for 30 seconds and all that trouble-shooting shit, to no avail. So Heather bought me a little pre-pay phone that I've been using ever since. I'm eligible for an upgrade on my phone on July 2nd so I'll get a new one then.
Okie dokie, well, I guess I've covered just about everything for now. Until next time, That's All Folks!
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